Published December 22, 2020
I privately sent this apology to the Thompsons on Monday morning. I am publishing it now with their permission. I am not trying to be an example. I only want my apology to be as public as my mistakes.
Dear Brad and Lori Anne,
My name is Carson Weitnauer. I have worked for RZIM since September 2013. As I have reflected on the past three years in particular, I wanted to write in an effort to acknowledge my shameful complicity in honoring Ravi, dishonoring you, and protecting myself. For my failure to seek the truth, show you proper respect, and advocate for justice, I contritely ask for you to consider forgiving me.
Such egregious wrong deserves a fuller accounting. This letter is my effort to explain where I failed in my obligations to God, to you, and to many others.
As we all know, in the fall of 2017, Ravi Zacharias announced in Christianity Today that he had resolved his RICO lawsuit by signing a non-disclosure agreement with you. Shortly after this article was published, several emails that Ravi wrote to Lori Anne became publicly available.
Both of these moments ought to have prompted me to consider Ravi unworthy of continued Christian ministry.
First, the very existence of the non-disclosure agreement was a clear basis for Ravi to be disqualified from Christian ministry. By its very nature, a non-disclosure agreement indicates that something inappropriate occurred and that this wrongdoing is being deliberately hidden. Now that I have learned that Ravi paid $250,000 for this silence, the case is even clearer.
By contrast, I believe a Christian minister is responsible to live a holy lifestyle and, when failures occur, to admit them, repent of them, earnestly seek reconciliation, and humbly participate in restorative processes. I now believe that a non-disclosure agreement is antithetical to the integrity that Christians ought to expect of their leaders.
Second, the emails that Ravi sent to Lori Anne are disqualifying in and of themselves.
It is irresponsible for anyone, much less a Christian minister of Ravi’s former stature, to attempt to manipulate and control another person by threatening suicide. (Alternatively, if by some chance his consideration of suicide was genuine, then he was still in no state of mind to serve in his role). In addition, no man should ask the wife of another man to keep their communication a secret. Further, no one should consider such disclosure to be a “betrayal.”
Beyond the substantive problems within these emails, they also unambiguously point beyond themselves to reveal Ravi’s guilty mindset. Therefore, at the time, these emails provided very strong evidence that Ravi had been a willing participant in sexually immoral behavior. I now see and understand that this was part of an intentional grooming process, which only compounds the injury and harm.
Third, in a very charming and manipulative effort to cover his tracks, Ravi told a series of shifting and contradictory lies to me and the rest of the staff team. It is a poor reflection on me, as an apologist, that I was unable or unwilling to notice that his explanations did not make sense of the available evidence nor fit together into a coherent narrative. I do not think that I am culpable for how Ravi abused my trust with his manipulative and deceptive behavior. But I do confess that it was more comfortable and convenient for me to trust Ravi than to stand with you.
Further, in order to believe that Ravi was innocent, I had to conclude that your story was a lie. I then sincerely but wrongly believed and communicated to many others that you had attempted to extort Ravi. And to my great regret, I continued to believe and communicate to many others, for three more years, that you and your courageous allies were maliciously slandering a good and godly man. I am embarrassed and grieved that it was not until September 2020, when more extensive reporting on this story was provided, and the revelations of earlier, criminal sexual abuse was provided by Christianity Today and WORLD, that I came to my senses.
In dependence upon God’s grace, I now seek to repair the damage I have caused.
First, I want to wholeheartedly apologize to you and your allies for the pain and heartache I have caused for over three years. I understand this has been far harder than I will ever know or understand. I am so sorry.
Second, I am personally contacting my friends and partners in ministry to make amends. I am telling them the truth, confessing my failings, and inviting them to join me in a righteous response to this grievous situation. I hope and pray that many more will join me in fostering a culture that is increasingly vigilant to expose abusers and earnestly committed to protecting everyone else, who would otherwise be vulnerable to predation. I will also be making a public statement in the near future.
Third, I believe RZIM must change its name, repent, and seek a restorative response to the harm you and others have experienced. I am advocating that an organization with credibility in the survivor community be hired to do a thorough assessment of the organization and its complicity. I believe their proposals for reform will need to be implemented. Apart from the board and senior leadership demonstrating a serious and wholehearted attempt to change course, I intend to resign.
If, in an abundance of mercy, you would be willing to give me counsel on any other measures that I might take to demonstrate my most sincere repentance and commitment to change, I would be most grateful.
sincerely yours,
Carson Weitnauer